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I just can't shake it...

October 27, 2005 11:37:30 AM

I just can't shake the guilt at my cousin's death. I _know_ I could have prevented it. By doing something so simple as talking to her more often. It's what she needed - someone that cared. My one cousin talked to her but he's incapable of caring for anything it seems. She needed someone that didn't judge her, someone that just listened and maybe gave her a little hope. I was that person. I know that - heck she even told me that on one occasion.

A good friend told me today that it would have been impossible for me to prevent what happened but I don't believe that. I can't accept that we can't change the world around us, the future we head into each second of each day. I can't believe that. If I did there would be no point in living.

Once again Trigun comes to mind. I guess I just have to try harder next time. I suspect that this will not be the last person that I have the opportunity to save. I just have to be better at it.

In other news I'm frustrated by technology lately. It's almost like I've inherited Deb's technology aversion. She always had problems with complex machinery or electronics.

I need to get rid of more stuff at home. I think I'm just going to set the damn stuff out for the garbage tomorrow. I should make up a free sign for the freezer so somebody will take that. The network rack I'm still trying to figure out a use for. I just thought about storing potting stuff in it but that is just a bad idea because there's no place to put it out back. With everything removed inside it might store firewood well enough but there's no real reason to do so since we don't have a working wood fireplace available to us any more. Damn. That thing has got to be useful for something!

I need to take my Dad's bike back to him this weekend. We really need the space. Otherwise we won't be able to fit the mower in there along with my friend's boat and my boat. I need to store far more efficiently. Transfer the books on the metro racking to the overhead I'm going to move in there this weekend then put my magazines on the metro racking. Some of my power tools I can hang behind my workbench. It suddenly occurs to me that I can put pegboard on the back of the workbench and a couple of 2x4s and have a good hanging location for a lot of things. Have to look into the cost of that. Pegboard, 2x4s, plywood, pegs, etc.

A lot to do. I suspect that my wife will be no help whatsoever though.




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