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Hmm...it's starting to look official...

November 2, 2005 11:18:48 AM


I seem to have inherited the pressure of Deb's life on top of my own.


All of a sudden I'm having big problems with technology. I'm having problems with relationships and growing more distant with others. I'm having problems with my health - yesterday's dizziness/weakness incident is a good example. I'm having problems with relatives but they all seem to be on good terms with me. An oxymoron that Deb experienced often.

Like I said - it seems like the pressure that Deb relieved by killing herself has landed squarely on my shoulders. And it's most likely not going to let up. And I'm not as strong as Deb is...

I'm pretty tired lately now. I'm not sure if it started at Deb's funeral or before but it's pretty pervasive now. If I don't force myself to keep moving I'll just fall asleep or go dead in front of the TV/computer. This feels like it's going to get worse before it gets better.
I need to get more sleep but I also need to get more done. It's an endless struggle. If I could get some help out of the people in the house without having to force them and then listen to a bunch of crap - if I could get help from them freely it would ease the load considerably. But that doesn't seem to matter with them. They don't really care about anyone but themselves. *sigh* I'm really tired.

I'm hoping that maybe it's all the sugar I've had in my diet recently that's causing me problems. I think it's time again to reduce the sugar intake. I probably can't handle the vast amounts of sugar like I used to. I'm hoping that's all it is anyway.

I just need to get it all organized then I will be better able to handle not only the day-to-day routines but the unexpected challenges as well.

I'm just not sure I can get it all done alone or before I lose it completely. I'm being tested for tempering here and I'm not bending very well.

It just occurred to me that I don't recall giving June my time sheet on Monday. I'm going to have to talk to her to see if I'm going to even get paid this week. That would suck if I wasn't going to get a check. It would truly suck. I'm betting that I wouldn't get that the week after either. Crap. I just can't seem to keep on top of it all. Maybe if I set up a good reminder system it'll help. I don't know. I just don't know...




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