(Blame a friend of mine for this one...)

50 Ways to Lose Your Liver - Mike Hebel
ttto - 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover - Paul Simon

The bottles are all behind the bar
He said to me
The glasses fill up easy if you
Make a drink or three
The liquor helps your inhibitions
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To lose your liver

He said it's really not my habit
To be rude
But I hope your drinking
Won't be gross or badly brewed
But I'll give my help
For drinks but not for food
There must be fifty ways
To lose your liver.

[CHORUS:]
The bottle in back, Jack
Throw out the flan, man
Don't need any poi, boy
Just listen to me
A bottle of wine, fine
Even stuff that tastes like pine
Just drink and you'll please, me
Your liver will flee

He said drink this please
It will ease your mental pain
This is the best that I can do
To make you right again
I took my hat off
The glass he gave me I drained
Could I sample the fifty ways

He said I'll start mixing
Right away for you my friend
You'll be dead of liqour
Poisoning at the end
And then he started up the
Blender and I started 'round the bend
There must be fifty ways
To lose your liver
Fifty ways to lose your liver

[CHORUS:]
The bottle in back, Jack
Throw out the flan, man
Don't need any poi, boy
Just listen to me
A bottle of wine, fine
Even stuff that tastes like pine
Just drink and you'll please, me
Your liver will flee

Cross-posted from Dreamwidth ( http://nimitzbrood.dreamwidth.org/245928.html ) but feel free to comment here as well.

March 18, 2010 10:47 PM 3/18/10

The Poorboy by Mike Hebel
TTTO - The Boxer by Paul Simon
--------

I'm just a poorboy
In the Midwest seldom sold
Unpopular with the kiddies
With a mouthful of the burgers such as sliders
With fries I'm best
Still a diet coke I'm eaten with
To disregard the risk

Starting with chuck roast in the crockpot
A real one not a toy
In the corner of the counter
To cook throughout the day set on low it is
Bubbling through and through
Until the meat falls from the bone
Leaving the juicy meat ever to be known

Fries fries fries!
Fries!
Fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries!
Fries fries fries!
Fries!
Fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries!

Served on a hoagie roll
I am brought to the table
But without the napkins
Just a roll of paper towels such as Bounty sheets
I have to say though they absorb the
Greasy mess quite well

Fries fries fries!
Fries!
Fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries!
Fries fries fries!
Fries!
Fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries!

On the scale leans a fatman
With a poorboy in his hand
And he scowls at the numbers
Of every scale he's stepped on
Or visited at the doctor's
Till he passes on the blame
"I am healthy! I am healthy!"
But the poorboy still remains
Still remains

Fries fries fries!
Fries!
Fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries!
Fries fries fries!
Fries!
Fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries fries!

March 15, 2010 3:28 PM 3/15/10

Unemployment by Mike Hebel
TTTO - Old Man by Neil Young
=======
Oh man look at my life,
I'm on unemploy-ment.
Oh man look at my life,
I'm on unemploy-ment.

Oh man look at my life,
Forty one
and my job is done.
Left at home, put on ice.
That makes me feel used.

Job lost, my ass they tossed,
Let go by the boss.
With a heart of frost.
Now my time is lost
Searching jobs anew.

Oh man take a look at my life,
I have no job to do.
I want someone to pay me
the whole day through.
One look at the ads
and you can tell I'm doomed.

Interviews, HR lies,
The age they all despise.
Won't tell that truth to me
Or let me speak my due.

I've been working long
But now it's all gone wrong.
I should have wrote more songs.
Spent more time with you.

Oh man take a look at my life,
I have no job to do.
I want someone to pay me
the whole day through.
One look at the ads
and you can tell I'm doomed.

Oh man look at my life,
I'm on unemploy-ment.
Oh man look at my life,
I'm on unemploy-ment.

July 9, 2009 9:00 PM 7/9/09

So in case anybody doesn’t know I’m a fan of one of the coolest musicians I know - Seanan McGuire. (cadhla) I got her Red Rose and Dead Things album in the mail today and once again it is awash with complete awesomeness covered in awesome sauce!

Among my favorites on the album are Dear Gina and What a Woman’s For but the one that blew me away was Darkness Falls. That song was just fantastic!

One of the things I’ve always likes about cadhla’s music is it always seems to inspire different thoughts in my head. Sometimes I’m nto even sure what direction they’re taking.

Sometimes it inspires lyrics. For instance tonight this fell out of my head:
(Note: I feel weird like I’m trying to ride on her coattails but I’m not.)
(Also: This is actually the first song I’ve written that wasn’t based on someone else’s music. Not sure how to express the music in my head yet but it’s there and not anything I can pin as from anywhere else. Feels weird.)

Found Again
==========

There's a moon tonight but he really doesn't feel,
Nothing seems to catch his interest or seem very real.
He wanders through the hallways and the doors,
His soundless feet caressing the hardwood floors.

He remembers the clacking of his claws,
And the rustling of the fur between his paws.
Those days awash in all kinds of woes,
The memories of pain only his heart knows.

        And the dreams become less frequent as be begins to age,
        A dreary kind of peacefulness supplanting all the rage.
        Still the howling voices call to him inside his manmade cage.

He goes to work each weekday like all the humans do,
Knowing he will never quite ring true.
Trying hard to play their games and win,
Against players he will never match within.

And in the air he can scent their fears and joys,
Their secrets and their lies and their ploys.
The hearts and minds of all are open books,
He just lacks the fire within to take a look.

        And the dreams become less frequent as be begins to age,
        A dreary kind of peacefulness supplanting all the rage.
        Still the howling voices call to him inside his manmade cage.

A full moon lights the window by the bed,
Darkening the shadows around his head.
Eyes close and his soul is set aflame,
With passions he has forgotten all unnamed.

The tearing of his bedclothes wakes him in the night,
His skin aflame his heart alive with a fire burning bright!
He feels the change upon him and wonders where it's been,
His spirit welcomes it into his heart once again!

        And the dreams become more frequent as he ceases to age,
        The heat of his blood racing turns another page,
        Still the human voice inside his head calls to him...inside the rage.

March 13, 2009 11:04 AM 3/13/09

Our Freedoms Goodbye - ttto American Pie by Don Mclean

============================

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How the signals never reached my brain.
And I would often take the chance
To lose my tinfoil hat and dance
And, maybe, just be happy for a while.

But the government made me bitter
With every new emitter.
Signals on my cortex;
I had to take the next step.

( More behind the cut...Collapse )

My friend losing his job inspired me to write this little ditty...

======================

Perlwolves of London ttto Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon


I saw a Perlwolf with a syntax manual in his hand
Reading with coffee on the lobes of his brain.
He was looking for an interrupt hook,
Gotta obscure it to win the whole damn game.

Chorus:
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London

Ya hear him swearing behind closed doors,
Better not bother him.
Pointy haired manager found dead one night,
Perlwolf was annoyed by him.

Chorus:
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London

He's the brainy guy but bent, who's money's always spent.
Lately he's been hit by all the suit crap.
You've better re-hire him, or he'll crash your system Tim.
Oops! There goes the hidden trap.

Chorus:
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London

Well I saw a Perlwolf drinking at a con, hanging with Perlwolves of London.
I saw a Perlwolf drinking in at a bar, hanging with Perlwolves of London.
I saw a Perlwolf trying to pick up chicks.
And his code was perfect.

Aaaaa Perlwolf in London
Code sub.

February 10, 2009 9:16 AM 2/10/09
Lyrics: Mike Hebel
TTTO: The Song That Never Ends


===========================
This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some people started coughing not covering their mouths,
and now I'm stuck inside this house.

This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some virus from through the looking glass,
Is beating up my insides and kicking my ass.

This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
I'd like to beat the doctors within an inch of their life,
Because their medicine causes nothing but strife.

This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some vitamins would help this along,
But if I take them I couldn't write this song.

This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
I have to finish now because I have to spew,
I'm reaching for the tissue paper....ACHOOOO!
===========================

*sniffle*

A friend of mine had the idea for this song rattling around his brain so he asked me to write it:

Sugar High City
(TTTO - Suffragette City by David Bowie)
======
(oh man) throw me a bone y'know
(oh man) I'm totally zoned y'know
(oh man) My heart's fast apace.
This sugar rush high puts a smile on my face

(oh man) I'm glucose insane
(oh man) Carmel filled veins
(oh man) I ate a case of Zagnuts
The doctor said to stop it but he...and then he...

Oh don't harsh on me man, cause you can't afford to match it
I'm in Sugar High City
Oh don't harsh on me man
Cause you ain't got my resistance
To the Sugar High City
I'll eat tonight...take big bites

(oh man) Oh Henry bars, stick right in my teeth, no way
(oh man) The chocolate, and nuts underneath, oh hey
(oh man) No rice cakes here
Just the sugar on my tongue here it comes, here it comes

Oh don't harsh on me man, cause you can't afford to match it
I'm in Sugar High City
Oh don't harsh on me man
Cause you ain't got my resistance
To the Sugar High City
I'll eat tonight...take big bites

Oh Henry!

Oh don't harsh on me man, cause you can't afford to match it
I'm in Sugar High City
Oh don't harsh on me man
Cause you ain't got my resistance
To the Sugar High City
Don't harsh on me man, cause you can't afford to match it
I'm in Sugar High City
Oh don't harsh on me man
Cause you ain't got my resistance
To the Sugar High City
I'll eat tonight...take big bites

A Sugar High City, a Sugar High City
I'm in the Sugar High City, totally Sugar High City
Ooo, Sugar High City, ooo, Sugar High City
Oooh-now, Sugar High City, oooh-now, Sugar High,

Ohhh, wham bam Candy-Gram!
A Sugar High City, a Sugar High City
I'm high tonight
A Sugar High City
All mine
A Sugar High City, ooh, a Sugar High City
Oh, my Sugar High City, oh my Sugar High City
Oh, Sugar High
Sugar High!

Workin' in Computers Blues - ttto Workin' At The Car Wash Blues by Jim Croce

Well I just got out of help desk training
Doin ninety days of tech support
Tried to find another tech position
But no matter how good I talked
They wouldn't listen to the fact that I had experience
The man said you got no skills we can use
Now I got them steadily decaying, employment prayin'
Working in computers blues

Well I should be sitting in a data center playing with the power there
Kicking off some errant users
Sayin' loser don't you come 'round here.
Instead I'm stuck here with a headset on
And getting so plastered at home
With them steadily decaying, employment prayin'
Working in computers blues

You know a geek of my ability
Should be workin' on neat projects
But till I get a good cert I'll have to hit the dirt
And deal with support call jerks

All I can do is wish for death
You might think that's pretty bad
But if you had to hear what I have to hear
It would certainly make you go mad
So buddy don't come and see me
To fix your TV. I'm not in that kind of biz.
Because I'm steadily decaying, employment prayin'
With those working in computers blues
Yeah I got them steadily decaying, employment prayin'
Working in computers blues
So buddy don't utter my name
Because you've broken your game
I've got those steadily decaying, employment prayin'
Working in computers blues

April 12, 2008 5:06 PM

I no sooner posted the other song to a list of friends and someone replies with the refrain below knowing full well I'd turn the whole damn thing into a song...
=======
Stuck in the middle with spoo! - ttto "Stuck in the MIddle with You" by Stealers Wheel.

Well I don't know what I had last to drink.
It's getting harder and harder to think.
Mr. Garabaldi's taking me home,
so I don't get lost and roam.

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

I'm stuck in the middle with spoo,
and I don't know what I should do.
Maybe I'll ask the Techno-mage,
A talk with them is all the rage.

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

Well I started down the hallway
like a well and proper gentle-man.
But all I got was nastiness and demons on my back!
*growwwl!*
*growwwl*

Back in quarters like before.
The lights don't work any more.
My stocks are a matter of chance!
My computer bought a spoo ranch!

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

Well I'm back to apologize,
To the mages who demonize.
Maybe now I'll get some sleep,
Or maybe I'll drink very deep!

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

Vir! Get me a drink!