Yesterday my wife took what I posted as an attack against her. Nothing could be further from the truth. I apologize if my words have caused any pain to anyone who reads them and I specifically apologize to my wife for hurting her in any way.
What I was attempting to do was set up a scenario to explain why balance is needed in a partnership of any type. I used examples from my own relationship because those are the hard and fast examples I have to refer to.
Do my wife and I have problems? Yes. Do I sometimes feel like I’m on the losing end? Yes. Does it stop me from caring for or loving my wife? Hell no.
The problem here is that this space...these words...are my only output for my thoughts. And even then I still have to keep things off these pages - like workplace issues for instance.
I can’t talk to people directly about them because everybody has buttons that my thoughts often “hit” and cause a reaction. Rather than cause those problems I choose not to speak about things with them.
I can’t talk to my wife about these things because of similar buttons.
I can’t just hold all this inside because it’ll cause me to break.
So what the hell do I do with it? Here, on these pages that are mine (and the “rented” ones elsewhere), I can say what I feel and be more open than I can be elsewhere. I’m not fooling myself that there are no consequences from what I write. This isn’t a free world and everything you do comes back to you with a vengeance.
My wife reads this every day though. That’s something I have to remember now. It’s always been the case but I honestly didn’t think about it before. I considered this my “bastion of truth and solitude”. I’ll have to remember that such is not the case in the future.
My world just got a little smaller...