nimitzbrood (nimitzbrood) wrote,

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Am I who I am or not?

January 25, 2008 11:11 AM

So here’s the thing...I have a choice to make. I can either have my individuality and go through a lot of hard times, probably not even buy a house, or I choose to lose my individuality for some security.

Ben Franklin not withstanding it’s a tough choice.

Taking the one choice I get to live my life without having compromised my principles. That’s something important to me. It really is. But the cost of that is likely having to find some other thing to do than what I’m doing now.

Following the other path I am rewarded with some security but have to deal with someone else managing my time and probably being less of who I am.

Like I said it’s not an easy choice.

If it were just me I would choose the former but it’s not just me it’s my wife and child as well. And unfortunately for my freedoms I have to choose what is best for them.

So...I will likely choose the path of security...


I hate these sorts of things. The universe has been giving me choices like this my entire life and I resent it.

I watch some people skate through life without a care in the world. Everything comes naturally to them, they are handed opportunity after opportunity without having to even compromise one iota of who they are. Worse yet there’s no common thread between them either. Some are assholes, some are good people, some a smart, some are dumb, some are emotional, and some are as hard as stone.

I resent having to work so hard on _EVERYTHING_ in my life while other people can sit on their asses and get away with murder.

It maddening.

I’d like to think that I’m just not seeing the flaws in their lives, and in a lot of cases I’m sure that’s true, but there are quite a few people out there who actually have completely charmed lives.

What is it about them? Do they just no longer need to be tested by the universe? Did they fail and are no longer in need of competing? Did they win the game? How the hell are they getting away with it?

I suppose karma explains some of that but it still doesn’t explain how they never seem to be challenged at all. I mean no matter where you are in this universe you should be challenged. That’s part of what this universe is all about!

And if that _is_ the case an they truly _aren’t_ being challenged then they’ve done either one of two things. They’ve either failed and are just biding their time until the universe ends OR they’ve already won and are just waiting until the universe ends.

Either way they are annoying. They either need to be labeled as winners or losers in my opinion. Not knowing until the game is over makes it hard to know what to strive for.

Regardless since I do not know I will have to continue doing what I’m doing and following the path I choose to follow until something changes. I’d like it to change for the better but given how my life has run so far that isn’t likely...
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