Everything is breaking down at work today and on top of that a good number of things in my back pack got covered with drips of orange cold medicine since the cap wasn’t screwed down all the way on the bottle.
What a wonderful way to start off the week...
I keep trying to be up-beat about things lately but I seem to be sinking a bit. I do know that I’m pretty tired and have been since I’ve gotten sick. I’d love to rest some more but I can’t afford to stay off work any longer nor use any of my vacation time.
Forgot to take my vitamins while I was sick so I’m dealing with that mess on top of everything else. And when I forget things like the 5-htp my world kind of comes crashing in all at once. Which is what’s happening right now...
I hate when this sort of stuff comes unraveled because it sets me back far enough that I have to actually work hard to get back up to where I was before.
I don’t plan on sliding back into the bucket but it would be nice not to get a mallet to the face on a regular basis.
Still it’s my own fault - I’ve been lazy of late and I know I can’t do that but damn I so just want to rest for a while.
I honestly don’t know what else to do about the situation. I never used to have to take time, I never used to dread going to work every day. Yes there were times I wanted to stay home but never complete dread of going to work.
And I can’t even rant about the things happening there in this venue because I know there are people that I work with that read this stuff. And if it’s one thing I can’t do right now is lose my job.
In less than 30 days we’ll have had the house a whole year. We never had a house warming party so maybe we’ll have some sort of off-kilter one this summer. That sounds good.
Got my mother back on the Internet at least so I accomplished something recently. Now I just have to finish all the _other_ things on my to-do lists.
Being sick hasn’t helped me one bit either. I’m still sniffling and a little clogged but this should be the tail end of it. Hopefully some of my energy will return after this crap passes out of my system.
I need some quiet. True quiet that has no noise in it.
I need a Zero Room.
I’m not joking. I need some place that has clean light, clean air, a comfortable place to sit and meditate. A place with no signals, no noise, nothing but silence. A place that I can quietly breathe and listen to my heartbeat. A place where I can just...be.
One thing’s for certain though...I’m not going to get that unless I make it myself.
I don’t know if I have the strength for that right now.