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February 2, 2009 11:16 AM 2/2/09

Everything is breaking down at work today and on top of that a good number of things in my back pack got covered with drips of orange cold medicine since the cap wasn’t screwed down all the way on the bottle.

What a wonderful way to start off the week...



I keep trying to be up-beat about things lately but I seem to be sinking a bit. I do know that I’m pretty tired and have been since I’ve gotten sick. I’d love to rest some more but I can’t afford to stay off work any longer nor use any of my vacation time.

Forgot to take my vitamins while I was sick so I’m dealing with that mess on top of everything else. And when I forget things like the 5-htp my world kind of comes crashing in all at once. Which is what’s happening right now...

I hate when this sort of stuff comes unraveled because it sets me back far enough that I have to actually work hard to get back up to where I was before.

I don’t plan on sliding back into the bucket but it would be nice not to get a mallet to the face on a regular basis.

Still it’s my own fault - I’ve been lazy of late and I know I can’t do that but damn I so just want to rest for a while.

I honestly don’t know what else to do about the situation. I never used to have to take time, I never used to dread going to work every day. Yes there were times I wanted to stay home but never complete dread of going to work.

And I can’t even rant about the things happening there in this venue because I know there are people that I work with that read this stuff. And if it’s one thing I can’t do right now is lose my job.


In less than 30 days we’ll have had the house a whole year. We never had a house warming party so maybe we’ll have some sort of off-kilter one this summer. That sounds good.

Got my mother back on the Internet at least so I accomplished something recently. Now I just have to finish all the _other_ things on my to-do lists.

Being sick hasn’t helped me one bit either. I’m still sniffling and a little clogged but this should be the tail end of it. Hopefully some of my energy will return after this crap passes out of my system.

(...)

I need some quiet. True quiet that has no noise in it.

I need a Zero Room.

I’m not joking. I need some place that has clean light, clean air, a comfortable place to sit and meditate. A place with no signals, no noise, nothing but silence. A place that I can quietly breathe and listen to my heartbeat. A place where I can just...be.

One thing’s for certain though...I’m not going to get that unless I make it myself.

I don’t know if I have the strength for that right now.




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Comments

acelightning
Feb. 4th, 2009 10:58 am (UTC)
You'd be surprised what you can "hide in plain sight". Didn't you mention that you were building your garden with an image of the Green Man on some of the stones? And a fountain, a birdbath, even a "charmingly rustic" tree stump, can be an altar. (Just Who or What do you want an altar to, anyway?)

(I've never had a private space since I became a Witch. When I need to, I'll set up altar things on the ironing board, a coffee table, even the back of the toilet. Improvise! The Gods will understand.)
nimitzbrood
Feb. 4th, 2009 12:19 pm (UTC)
I need a formal altar for some things I need to accomplish in life. And while The Gods do understand and grant me great leeway there is a certain...push...to have a formal space like that. And the push is both external and internal.

As for hiding in plain sight about the only thing I couldn't hide would be a pentagram. (I live in a really blue-collar neighborhood and I know a bunch of people wouldn't be okay with that even if the garden is behind the garage.)
acelightning
Feb. 8th, 2009 11:32 am (UTC)
I understand the push to have a semi-permanent, fixed sacred space; sometimes I still long for one myself.

I've hidden a pentagram in plain sight for decades. I put up "Christmas" lights - hey, Yule is all about light and fire! - and I constructed a large framework in the shape of a five-pointed star, and wired it up with white lights. Pentagram? What pentagram? It's a Christmas Star! ;-)

I also see for sale in yard-and-garden places a lot of three-dimensional metal stars, in various sizes, either painted "colonial" colors or with a weathered metal finish. Apparently they're derived from barn decorations from 200 years or more ago.

True, neither of these has a circle enclosing it... at least not visibly...

In your garden, if you have a circular space, just put lanterns, wind-spinners, notable plants, anything you like, in five places around the perimeter of the circle... then "connect the dots" in your mind...

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