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November 28th, 2010

Size twelve to the moon...

So my wife was the one that went to the last teacher's conference because I had to stay home and watch our daughter. (This was right around the whole time when Henry started becoming ill.)

Among other things they told my wife they were concerned about her higene and I just found out today that my wife overheard them being concerned about the fact that I, every so often, threaten my daughter with a "size twelve rocket launcher" so to speak.

*sigh*

Here's the thing. While I may get angry... While I may get incredibly frustrated... While my daughter's actions may try my patience to no end...

I will never do more than perhaps slap her hands. And even then it's usually an immediate action designed to stop her from doing something dangerous.

The reason for this is very very simple - I'm a "child of the belt". Meaning I was spanked with a leather belt many many times when I did things wrong. And while it did teach me to obey it also taught me to understand that there has to be better ways than violence.

I will never subject my daughter to that. Ever.

So while I may yell, scream, stomp around, and threaten, I will never raise a hand towards my daughter. I can count about a dozen times in her entire life that I've ever slapped my daughter on the hands. Every one of them was when she was doing something dangerous. Examples include reaching into the boiling pot of water, climbing on a chair and almost pulling something down on herself, and reaching for an electrical cord among other things.

Everything else is handled by making our daughter sit away from her TV without her books or toys. This timeout is very effective and, with some frustrating exceptions since her transformation into a teenager, often prevents the actions from reoccurring.

I annoys me that the teachers are so willing to believe I'm an abuser. Obviously none of them have ever come from a family of angry Italians or yellers in general.

Frankly I'm angry that because I'm passionate about things and that since my emotions are close to the surface they regard me with disdain. I suspect they regard my wife as such for other reasons. Hell we're probably labeled as "problem parents" because we choose to get involved in our daughter's education rather than leave it to "those who know best".

On top of all this my daughter is incredibly cunning and has a tendency to play people against each other. I've watched her do it repeatedly with my wife and I. Most children do it in that context. But I've also watched her play "dumb" and play her teachers against us. So not only do I have defuse situations between my wife and I but I have to defuse situations between her teachers and us because she has them completely snowed.

Trina - you are being taken for a ride. My daughter is INCEDIBLY good at playing dumb. Don't believe her when she tries to convince you that she can't do something. Don't believe me? Sit down and read an advanced subject while sitting next to her. Then out of the blue ask her to read a paragraph from that book. You'll find, provided she doesn't catch on, that she can read that paragraph with the exceptions of words she doesn't know. If she refuses to read it then tell her "first read then" the then being whatever her favorite reward is. You'll find that she can read when properly motivated. You're wrong about her reading capacity.

In closing on other topic...

My daughter and I are both on the autism spectrum. Obviously we're different. Period.

But there ARE similarities and I often recognize problems from when I had to deal with them in their lesser form.

But...I'm ignored on that topic as well under the heading "Well he's just projecting his autism on her.".

No. I'm not.

I know my limitations and my issues. And I take an exceptional amount of effort making sure that I don't confuse my issues with hers.

*sigh*

But likely I wll be ignored on that subject as well.

Cross-posted from Dreamwidth ( http://nimitzbrood.dreamwidth.org/205616.html ) but feel free to comment here as well.




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