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Size twelve to the moon...

So my wife was the one that went to the last teacher's conference because I had to stay home and watch our daughter. (This was right around the whole time when Henry started becoming ill.)

Among other things they told my wife they were concerned about her higene and I just found out today that my wife overheard them being concerned about the fact that I, every so often, threaten my daughter with a "size twelve rocket launcher" so to speak.


Here's the thing. While I may get angry... While I may get incredibly frustrated... While my daughter's actions may try my patience to no end...

I will never do more than perhaps slap her hands. And even then it's usually an immediate action designed to stop her from doing something dangerous.

The reason for this is very very simple - I'm a "child of the belt". Meaning I was spanked with a leather belt many many times when I did things wrong. And while it did teach me to obey it also taught me to understand that there has to be better ways than violence.

I will never subject my daughter to that. Ever.

So while I may yell, scream, stomp around, and threaten, I will never raise a hand towards my daughter. I can count about a dozen times in her entire life that I've ever slapped my daughter on the hands. Every one of them was when she was doing something dangerous. Examples include reaching into the boiling pot of water, climbing on a chair and almost pulling something down on herself, and reaching for an electrical cord among other things.

Everything else is handled by making our daughter sit away from her TV without her books or toys. This timeout is very effective and, with some frustrating exceptions since her transformation into a teenager, often prevents the actions from reoccurring.

I annoys me that the teachers are so willing to believe I'm an abuser. Obviously none of them have ever come from a family of angry Italians or yellers in general.

Frankly I'm angry that because I'm passionate about things and that since my emotions are close to the surface they regard me with disdain. I suspect they regard my wife as such for other reasons. Hell we're probably labeled as "problem parents" because we choose to get involved in our daughter's education rather than leave it to "those who know best".

On top of all this my daughter is incredibly cunning and has a tendency to play people against each other. I've watched her do it repeatedly with my wife and I. Most children do it in that context. But I've also watched her play "dumb" and play her teachers against us. So not only do I have defuse situations between my wife and I but I have to defuse situations between her teachers and us because she has them completely snowed.

Trina - you are being taken for a ride. My daughter is INCEDIBLY good at playing dumb. Don't believe her when she tries to convince you that she can't do something. Don't believe me? Sit down and read an advanced subject while sitting next to her. Then out of the blue ask her to read a paragraph from that book. You'll find, provided she doesn't catch on, that she can read that paragraph with the exceptions of words she doesn't know. If she refuses to read it then tell her "first read then" the then being whatever her favorite reward is. You'll find that she can read when properly motivated. You're wrong about her reading capacity.

In closing on other topic...

My daughter and I are both on the autism spectrum. Obviously we're different. Period.

But there ARE similarities and I often recognize problems from when I had to deal with them in their lesser form.

But...I'm ignored on that topic as well under the heading "Well he's just projecting his autism on her.".

No. I'm not.

I know my limitations and my issues. And I take an exceptional amount of effort making sure that I don't confuse my issues with hers.


But likely I wll be ignored on that subject as well.

Cross-posted from Dreamwidth ( http://nimitzbrood.dreamwidth.org/205616.html ) but feel free to comment here as well.

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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 28th, 2010 10:38 pm (UTC)
*hugs* In today's climate of hyper-awareness that some people *do* abuse their children, teachers/psychologists etc. are paranoid and disbelieving that parents actually are doing a pretty good job of dealing with difficulties they live with intimately 24/7/365.

After all, you don't have a degree in child-rearing or psychology, so what could you POSSIBLY know about the person you've loved and cared for since her birth?
Nov. 29th, 2010 04:32 am (UTC)
Sounds like those morons at the school need a size 12 to the moon.

It sickens me the amount of meddling they do. 'All for the good of the child' of course.
Nov. 29th, 2010 11:44 am (UTC)
You were spanked, yes, but only once with a belt that I remember, because your father listened to Becky. It was one of the sore points between your dad and I, my mother would have had my head if I had used a belt on any of her grandchildren.
As for Brianna, be very careful these days about her because there is no common sense in government these days and it seems to me that it is like it was in the early days of Nazism,(lets get rid of everyone who is imperfect, they are a drain on society). The first step was to send them away from the family, then "accidents" happened and they were no more. At thirteen she is a little old to have her hands spanked, but the other means of timeout is acceptable.
Nov. 29th, 2010 12:30 pm (UTC)
Re: Government
Actually it was several times. Trust me. I remember.

I don't blame him really. Times were different then and he honestly did what he thought was right. As you did in other subjects.

And no - thirteen is not too old to have your hands "spanked" if you're reaching for something dangerous. Thankfully it hasn't happened in quite a while and she's becoming much more aware so it should no longer be an issue.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )



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