My daughter walked up and down the dogfood aisle today with her tutor asking for help but not being able to express what kind of help she needed due to her autism. My wife and I agree the dog thing hasn't settled for her yet.
Of course as usual I have to grind things through my mind before I can accept them and move on.
Richie's death was my fault. Or at least I failed through mistrust and fear of the final bill. In the end the final bill was paid by Richie.
And that's my fault.
1) I didn't take my sister up on her initial offer to take him to the vet's office she works at because I was holding onto certain things in the past and did not trust her judgement. While I can't say I will always trust her judgement I can say I'm going to try not holding onto the past any more.
2) I also didn't initially take Richie to her animal hospital because I knew it was going to be expensive. I was trying to save some money and our furry family member paid for it dearly. Again - my fault.
Tomorrow is free adoption day at Petsmart so we're going to see if we can't add another member to our family. Maybe this time I won't be so stupid if something happens.
Maybe now I'll be able to get a little sleep tonight. I haven't slept well since Richie died. *sigh* This too shall pass...
Cross-posted from Dreamwidth ( http://nimitzbrood.dreamwidth.org/259180.html ) but feel free to comment here as well.