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March 27, 2007 11:20 AM

Went to sleep at about 11 p.m. last night and woke back up at 4:30 a.m. feeling like I’d been run over by a truck.

Frankly I’m tired of this sort of stuff. I really want to be in better health but I’ve got a fairly long way to go. I need to get back on track but when I’m tired I pretty much lose the will to do things. I just basically want to sit on my ass which only makes my ass and my problems increase in size.

I’m not sure what’s going with my wife but I don’t like it. She’s losing the “shine” I saw in her when I married her. It’s like she’s covered herself in rags so she can be like her family and not out-shine anyone and then stopped trying to do anything. *shakes head sadly* I don’t think she even has a spirit any more.

And worst of all I’m sure she’ll blame anyone but herself or her parents. I don’t know when it happened either but I do know that I don’t like it.

She repeatedly tries to get me to do everything around that house so that she can just sit in front of the t.v. and gets angry with me when I refuse. She keeps telling everyone that I do nothing with our daughter but I keep having to take care of things that happened because she wasn’t paying attention to her.

I just don’t know what to do but I do know that I can’t sit and do nothing even though my heart is heavy and I just want to go somewhere and sleep all this away. :-(

She’s got so much potential that she’s just wasting. She won’t even try to perform outside of her comfortable little sphere. Not while I’m there to do things for her that is.

Maybe I should stop being there so she learns to do things on her own. I don’t like that idea either but what are my other choices?

On top of all this stuff I grabbed a shirt from the laundry with a big stain on it. So big that putting a tie on would make me look even worse. *sigh*

I don’t really want to go back to work but I’m going to be working at home on Thursday and Friday so I can’t miss a day before that. Point in fact though I really don’t want to go back to work at all. I’d love to work at home and make enough money to support our needs.

I desperately want something like that. I want it so bad I’m almost willing to stuff envelopes or something similar. Maybe do medical billing data-entry at home or something. Anything rather than commute to a job every day to deal with annoyances and problems.

*snort*

It’s funny. I grew up and found my childhood while my wife has grown old and lost hers.

I just wish she would rise to the challenge. If I could see that happen every so often I wouldn’t be so concerned for her and my daughter when I’m gone. But thanks to her parents and our housemate I don’t think that will ever happen now...




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