nimitzbrood (nimitzbrood) wrote,

A lot missing from me...

September 6, 2007 11:04 AM

My life is pretty full right now. I’ve got a job that’s taking more and more time each day, a daughter and a wife that require my time when I can spare it, a house that I need to keep clean and maintained, a motorcycle to return to my father (it’s done), a lawn tractor to repair, a truck to fix, stuff to sell on E-Bay, languages to learn, skills to renew, mental abilities to repair and grow, offerings to give, spells to cast, games to play, meditations, and many other things...

But still I always feel like my life is missing some piece of adventure but I’m barely keeping up with some of the things hitting my life already...

I go from one extreme to the other usually but I’m certain of one thing - my life and my spirit is not as big as it could be.

I was forced to face this when I wrote the words I did yesterday. There are many many people on this planet with bigger and better spirits and hearts than I have. I need to do better...

I need to be able to take on more than I am now. Life never truly gives me more than I can handle but I think I need to be proactive on my growth now. I need to finish things in process and take on more things. And it’s not like there aren’t things for me to learn or do or be. The universe is huge and I am in truth very very small by comparison.

I want to do so many things but there is such a gradient on some of them. For instance I want to be able to design and machine my own engines but my math is so bad that I can’t calculate the stresses and physics involved. A great may things I want to do are prevented by parts of me that are broken...

Much of my mind is a mystery to me but I work regularly to fix parts of it and make it grow. For my money it’s growing too slow - I need to pick up the pace.

I’ve been wondering for years if I shouldn’t go back to school and try taking some remedial math courses. I’m not sure there. I would much rather have one-on-one tutoring. Maybe I can find a tutor that doesn’t cost me a fortune.

Regardless learning seems to be something that I need deep in my heart that I’m not satisfying currently...

Last night I watched something on one of the satellite channels about a festival in Japan involving The Spirit Man. (I’m not Japanese so I won’t try and remember the festival name here out of respect.) Basically a chosen man (The Spirit Man) walks about the length of three football fields to a temple stark naked while other guys try and touch him to rid themselves of all the bad luck for the year. In the process The Spirit Man gets pretty battered due to the enthusiasm and crowd of people. The one I watched was pretty much out of it when he got _pulled_ into the temple out of the crowd that was trying to hold onto him.

My wife was aghast at how people where acting in that festival but I can completely understand why they tried so hard. To rid yourself and your family of any disease or ill fortune for an entire year is a great thing indeed and is well worth almost any effort.

I noticed something interesting that is telling about the Spirit Man they showed. A Spirit Man is chose at random by priests out of a group of average men. Just men off the street. This man was just as random as any of the others.

Not once during the entire procession while people where beating and crushing and battering him did I ever see him cry out. It may have just been creative editing but I doubt it. To take all that abuse for the sake of others silently is a great thing in my book. A great thing indeed. I’m not certain I could do the same in his situation.

I’m sure someone could bring up the whole Jesus thing but honestly that doesn’t wash for me. There are those type of sacrifices in every faith. Buddha gave up all he owned if I recall correctly, many gods and goddesses _die_ every year with the seasons, there are tons of examples that you can find if you look.

But this was a young man chosen completely at random. It’s as if someone tapped you on the shoulder and said “Hey you! You’ve got a job to do! You’re going to get hurt and you’ll be pretty beat up by the end of it but it’s for the good of everybody.” Would you accept that?

What’s worse is that our soldiers over in Iraq don’t even have that going for them. They are fighting because they believe in those giving them orders or because the believe in the cause. Unfortunately the cause only benefits a few. A very very few when you break it down.

I have the greatest respect for those men but they need to be brought home because their cause is neither just nor right and will cost more and more lives before it ends...
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