I try and deal with everyone in a professional capacity regardless of how they treat me - within reason of course - but there is this one lady who I deal with from time to time that I just can’t seem to get on good terms with. And I honestly don’t know why.
I’ve always tried to be professional to her and do what I need to do to the best of my abilities but I have never gotten anything from her but the impression that I’m something stuck to the bottom of her shoe.
I _know_ I’m arrogant. I can even be an arrogant asshole at times. But almost never without good reason. Regardless I still get this impression from her regardless of how hard I try to be nice and do well around her. I honestly don’t know what to do to solve the situation.
I’ve spent my life learning to observe human behavior because I _had_ to in order to survive. It goes beyond just hearing what people are saying and what their body language projects. Most people can read those things and didn’t have to work to integrate themselves into groups. For me I had to learn _all_ of it from scratch. All of it. There was no instinct, at least not until much later. This makes me much more sensitive to it than the average person.
And this is why average human behavior puzzles me. A lot of times people don’t even realize how they present themselves. They often wear their emotions in their stance and their voice and their actions but are surprised when I point out what they’re doing. They deny and evade acting like I don’t know what I’m talking about.
But when you see multiple examples over a period of a lifetime the evidence becomes overwhelming and you, the observer, know that what you’re seeing is consistent with the other experiences you’ve observed.
And I guess this is why I always try and project exactly who I am. I don’t want there to be any confusion about the impressions I give people. Sometimes that strikes a wrong chord. Maybe that’s what’s happened here. I honestly don’t know but equally honestly I don’t want to confront the person on it. I have enough problems...
In truth I really am tired of dealing with people. I’m working hard and I don’t seem to get the respect I feel I’ve earned. Mostly that feeling comes from home where all the tasks of the house are dumped upon my shoulders unless I complain long and loud to get others to do them. I’m truly tired.
My wife occasionally wonders why I spend so much time at work. It’s because I can accomplish things there and get things done. Even if projects take a long time I know I’ll get them done eventually. At home it’s never that simple. I’m always being hit with another project before I finish the last one. I hate that with a passion. Eventually that all adds up and tires me out so I truly don’t want to do anything when I’m at home.
A good friend just pointed out that what I wrote yesterday could be interpreted as if I hate the company I work for. Nothing could be further from the truth. As much as my job frustrates me I truly enjoy doing what I’m doing. And if I didn’t believe in the company I work for I wouldn’t be working there. I would have left long ago.
Not that I don’t have other plans for the future out there. I’d love to be an independent crafter but that’s a long ways off right now.
Speaking of independent crafters we watched the new Jeff Dunham DVD last night and they had a segment on how he makes the puppets. I’ve got to say I have a lot of respect for the guy because other than having somebody do the original casting of the head he makes the rest of the puppet pretty much from scratch. Everything from movements to paint. That’s a lot of work and it shows in what he does.